Where do you draw the line between accommodating others and being abused?

I am not an accommodating person. I draw a line quickly and if you cross it, well that’s it for our relationship. When I was younger, I was just too nice and accommodating and that allowed people around me really take advantage of me. I took a lot of abuse from my friends and peers. My feelings were always sacrificed for another’s happiness or needs.  There were many times I felt badly hurt and neglected and ignored. I had to draw a line eventually.

I still do this, protect myself from “abuse”. But a part of me is conflicted. As an adult, I have grown to believe that things are not random, that people are in my life for a reason. How am I going to find out what the reason is if I don’t allow the relationship to develop?

Should I accommodate people or not? Where do you draw the line between accommodating others and being abused.

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Boardwalk Empire and the Human Experiment: Jung, Chopra and Harrow

“There are no extra pieces in the universe. Everyone is here because he or she has a place to fill, and every piece must fit itself into the big jigsaw puzzle.”
Deepak Chopra

Boardwalk Empire and the Human Experiment

I recently watched the first two seasons of Boardwalk Empire. The series is set in and around Atlantic City, during the infamous Prohibition in the nineteen twenties. Tracking the fortunes of Enoch “Nucky” Thompson and his associates based on historical characters from the period and active in various criminal enterprises. It is exceptionally good and the second season in particular plays like a Classical Greek Tragedy.

There is a character in the series, Richard Harrow, who is particularly interesting- at least from a psychological perspective. He is a former American Army marksman who has returned from the First World War having suffered a terrible injury. Half his face has been destroyed and his is obliged to wear a tin mask over it, which matches (rather poorly) the normal half of his face which is uncovered. He is reminiscent of Two-Face in the Batman Comic Book Series.

Richard is deeply scarred emotionally and spiritually by his injury and has seemingly lost all capacity for love and happiness. He has become, partly as a consequence of this, a very effective enforcer in the extended criminal empire of Nucky Thompson.

In one of the episodes Richard, having been truly seen by an artist who paints his portrait, is no longer able to suppress his deep level of despair and loss of hope and decides to commit suicide. As it happens, he is disturbed by the sudden arrival of a dog in the forest where he had gone to commit the act and does not go through with it.

Watching this scene I was reminded of the Deepak Chopra quote as well as Jung’s idea of individuation. Was Richard Harrow an aberration, an extra piece? Was the path of individuation also open to him? And if it was what would it look like? What would be an ideal destiny, an unfolding and the most complete form of self realisation for such a man?

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Steve Jobs

Steve Paul Jobs (1955 – 2011) claims the title of the iconic leader of the personal computer (and digital device) revolution of the late 20th century and the first decade of the 21st century. Co-founder, Chairman and CEO of Apple Inc, Pixar and NeXT Inc, Jobs’ genius was behind the Apple brand, the iMac, iPod, iPhone and iPad. As well as the revolutionary wave of animation from Pixar, including the much loved Toy Story series.

In this post I look at Jobs the man and his legacy through the lens of Jungian psychology. What can we learn about the psyche of Jobs, what motivated him, what haunted him and to what can we attribute his legacy as imagineer extraordinaire. What does it take to ‘think different’, ‘make a dent in the universe’ and ‘stop making sugar water and change the world’.

Who was this man who so embodied the tech revolution, personal computing, Silicon Valley and its curious blend of counter culture, technology and massive commercialisation.

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I Just Can’t Stand Them! – What Are You Really Saying?

When I was younger, I had a real issue with Summercon Developers. We stayed in one of their townhouses for a few months and just hated it. Stephen and I were in a young relationship and we were fighting like cats and dogs. And of course EVERYONE heard it.

I could not understand why Summercon were allowed to put up these terrible little boxy houses, with no privacy that were ridiculously priced. Also only the bottom units actually ‘owned’ the land. They were built badly and quickly. They were all the same, and I felt like a prisoner in them. Yet they were building everywhere and people were just buying into this ridiculous housing system. It was criminal! If I were a terrorist I would bomb their head office. Who gave them this power to manipulate people into believing that this type of living is ‘good’ and acceptable? I can carry on here about Summercon and what bastards they were at length.

Now, years later, I realize that I was projecting. All the unconscious feelings of being trapped, manipulated and oppressed by my relationship at the time, were projected onto Summercon. (thank God I didn’t go and bomb them )

And that my friends, is a really good example of projection.

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Death: a Jungian perspective. What Face-the Grim Reaper?

When you lie in bed, alone, late at night, contemplating your own mortality, as the Grim Reaper grins at you, what face do you see?

I frequently suggest both in my posts and to those I work with personally, the importance of facing up to the reality of death. To face the fact that you are not immortal. That the candle flame of your life will be blown out one day by the unfeeling and unrelenting wind of time.

This fundamental truth has to be understood and come to terms with, by anyone wanting to get to grips with the basic coordinates of human existence. No spiritual system or teacher is worth its mustard unless it can deal with this awkward reality. I would hardly call myself a Buddhist but one story attributed to the Buddha stays with me.

Walking with his disciples they came across a human skeleton at the side of the road. Buddha told his disciples to look carefully at it and to know that soon they too would assume just such a form.

The reason it is worth placing such emphasis on this unpleasant truth is because its recognition is frequently essential to engender a sense of urgency for, i.e. to live, an authentic life.

There are two competing myths about death. Of which, most of mankind have bought into one or the other.

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The Exposition of an Existential Crises

When I was 38, I went to watch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I can’t tell you how much it upset me. I cried bitterly towards the end of the movie and carried on crying for at least 2 weeks afterwards. It put me in a weird space. I became depressed, but not really, more like a severe melancholy. (I am generally melancholic anyway)

At the time, I wasn’t sure why the movie affected me so profoundly and I spent many hours speculating about the reason. I eventually decided that I was suffering from an existential crisis. This stayed with me for months.

Now, 3 years later, I am starting to understand what really happened to me and I think that this is a natural process that all human beings go through.

We also call it a midlife crises.

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The Philosophy of Freedom

Nature makes of man merely a natural being; society makes of him a law-abiding being; only he himself can make of himself a free man -Rudolf Steiner.

I have very recently come across a concept of freedom which is so radical and so groundbreaking that it changes everything. Seriously. I have been able to think of little else since I encountered this idea a few days ago. In this post I am going to do my level best to communicate the essence of this idea to you and exactly why it is as powerful as it is.

Let me begin though by giving you some context.

Are we truly free?

Do we have free choice?

What does it mean to be free?

These are questions that philosophy has been grappling with for the last two and a half thousand years. And yet still today these questions plague contemporary philosophers. I have spent the best part of the last six months engaged with this question on a daily basis.

During this time I was busy with three concurrent projects:

I wrote my MA dissertation, at Essex University, on the subject of Jung on Consciousness, Articulating the Archimedean Point. In this dissertation I argued that the defining feature of consciousness, for Jung, is that it is capable of making free (unconditioned) choices.

I participated in the Philosophy of Mind module at Wits University where one of the central themes under consideration was the idea of free choice (is it possible and if so what would it look like). The thesis we considered is known as compatibilism, which means simply that we are free inasmuch as we act in accordance with our given nature.

I was part of a study group reading Rudolf Steiner’s definitive work The Philosophy of Freedom. In this book Steiner argues that freedom is our fundamental and true nature.

That is to say I spent quite a bit of time thinking about the nature of freedom and some of the problems in believing in the possibility of freedom.

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The Danger of Raising Your Children in Fear.

When I was in labour with my second child I was terrified. My firstborn was a ceaser because she was breach and I was determined to have natural birth this time around. My Gyne was really cross about it and tried to bully me, but I was insistent.

It was probably the most traumatic and painful experience I have ever lived through.

My third child’s birth was also natural, but this time I was like Superwoman. I breathed through the pain and delivered an abnormally happy baby. (referring here to heartrate and other indicators )

The midwife was uber impressed.

Why was I able to do it again and better?

Because the second time around, I knew what to expect and I was not afraid.

Fear is the most paralyzing, painful and debilitating emotion.

Evil all around us?

When I was a young woman, I went to visit a relative who had two small sons. She told me at the time that they were not allowed to watch anything on TV with martial arts in it, so no Power Rangers, Ninja turtles etc. Why?

It was evil.

Never mind that this is absolute nonsense, I was stunned that someone would consciously raise their children in fear. She was sending her children a message ‘ to be afraid of the world, because evil lurks in it everywhere. Anticipate evil in everything and everyone. Albert Einstein said that one of the most important questions you will ever ask is whether the universe is a friendly place.

I don’t want my children to be paralyzed by fear. So I have made a conscious effort in raising my children differently. To teach them that pain is ok, it happens and it doesn’t have to be traumatic.

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The Genius-Demon of Women: and the Challenge of Staying Sane after 35

I am currently working with a most exceptional woman through a process of articulating the hidden, or what Jung called the second, personality. Whilst doing this work I had the most astounding realisation about the genius-demon that lies in a woman’s soul, and brings a great charge of libido with it that is so very difficult to contain in today’s world.

This awakening came to me the way so many truths do. It is something I have been aware of for a long time. Naturally being involved in Jungian studies I am well aware of the extended Jungian community and much of the Jungian and pseudo-Jungian inspired work that goes on. Now in that world feminism, feeling and goddess work has been, and continues to be, one of the dominant themes. Connecting with the feminine archetype, with what has been lost and disavowed in our overtly patriarchal society.

I have never felt much affinity for this work- not only because I am a typically chauvinist male. I feel much the same about movements like the Mankind Project and Boys to Men. I’m not sure why but they just don’t resonate for me. A bunch of older men teaching boys what it is to be men, singing hymns to the moon and running around naked on a mountain…

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but basically I don’t buy it. It’s not psychology that’s for sure, and I seriously doubt it is what Jung had in mind when he birthed Analytical Psychology into the world. I think if one is attempting to access the Dionysian archetype then the inter-gender, trance music, outdoor transformational dance festivals, besides being more honest, are also a lot more potent.

Anyway forgive me I have digressed.

My point is that although I have known for a long time about Goddess work ‘ I never really got it. I’m not saying I have it now either, but I have had this insight that makes me feel a lot closer to the work; and also to the feminine psyche.

So what is the insight?

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Tao and the psychology of transformation

When I was doing research recently about Taoism, I was astounded at how civilized China was in the 11th century BC.

They were the first government to print paper money, they had invented gunpowder, used a compass to derive true north and had a permanent navy. They printed books and the people were well educated. Women were respected and ran their own successful businesses. There were retirement villages and public clinics supported by a social welfare infrastructure. They traded iron, silk, velvet and porcelain.

Thinking about the various great civilizations in history, it seems that once a nation reaches their pinnacle of civilization, it somehow collapses. This made me wonder what it is that destroys civilizations that are flourishing.

Then I received an email (synchronistically) which spoke about Alexander Fraser Tytler, Scottish historian and professor who wrote several books in the late 1700s and early 1800s. What he had to say was this:

‘Great nations rise and fall and when they fall there is always a dictatorship that follows:
The people go from bondage to spiritual truth,
From spiritual truth to great courage,
from courage to liberty,
from liberty to abundance,
from abundance to selfishness,
from selfishness to complacency,
from complacency to apathy,
from apathy to dependence,
from dependence back again to bondage.’

Currently, a lot of Western Countries, especially in Europe, lie in the region of apathy and dependence, so according to this cycle, they are well on their way to bondage. By contrast, there have been a few countries, e.g. Libya who has now shaken off dictatorship, so they would be right at the beginning of the cycle. Here in South Africa, we are somewhere between liberty, abundance and selfishness (depending on geographics and political affiliations ). So we still have a way to go.

Of course, the real question is, are we as the human race ever going to be spiritually or emotionally evolved to stop this cycle? Surely the humanitarian goal is for the whole world to be somewhere between liberty and abundance.

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